Earlier this fall, in a conversation with my late-teens, they described me as someone who is optimistic but not positive.

I’ve had to chew on it for a while, and ask them to clarify, but I’ve come around to really liking it.

I was pretty beat by the time we were packing away the last of the decor and gathering the information from the tables. But it had been fun to be with the team and see them working together, laughing, and caring as they managed the event. It may have been the most valuable team building of the week.

But when Sarah said those words it stopped me for a moment.

One leader told me recently that their costs are growing 10-15% annually on fixed costs alone.

So how can I expect leaders to spend precious dollars on something as ephemeral as leadership development and team building?

As leaders we need the intention and ability to address situations with as much fairness as we can. Whether it’s dealing with an outside complaint, a contentious issue, on the frustrations of interpersonal conflict among our people; we can’t lead well if we take sides too quickly.

This may be obvious, but we are being constantly trained by the power of algorithms to never remain impartial about anything.

In our efforts to identify the people who can sit at the executive table someday are we failing to properly support those who will contentedly and effectively spend years (decades?) in management roles closer to the front lines?

Operational stability, particularly in larger organizations, relies on those people who oversee programs and staff at the service delivery level.

I’m not saying leaders shouldn’t pose for pictures. I place a higher value on the representative aspects of leaderships roles than many people do because of how crucial I believe organizational culture is. But it says something when leaders choose not to always be the centre of public facing things.

As leaders we often have several relevant labels we can choose to reveal, or not.

Part of the challenge is that none of these descriptors capture the wholeness of our identities. None of them are totally complete or fully accurate. And as I get older I sometimes wonder how accurate even my own sense of myself really is.

The healthiest leaders have worked on their own understanding of power and authority. They understand that it is a responsibility that comes with benefits and obligations. And they accept that using authority to get things done is a tool to be used sparingly when possible, but decisively when necessary.

I’ve known both of these leaders for some time and I look forward to each time we meet. Both of them are in roles they love and feel deeply connected to. And both have days when the work is hard.

That’s true of every leader I work with.

So, my ideal client?

If the board only meets monthly, or quarterly, it’s hard to fully process complex matters in those few hours. Sometimes that serves the organization well as the board is logistically forced to slow things down, which allows for more perspective, processing, and even prayer.

But sometimes it’s a problem when staff are left waiting for decisions that impact their work, and even their lives. While the board steps away from the issue until their next meeting, the staff live in tension, conflict, or uncertainty day to day.

For almost all of us, the effort required to turn a weakness into a strength is massive and it takes away the potential to truly excel in our natural areas of giftedness. It’s also not much fun.

So, take a honest look at your reality and aspirations. My guess is that some of those weaknesses you feel compelled to master are like my math classes. You need to get good enough that they don’t prevent you from doing what you do best, but beyond that they don’t really matter.

It’s rarely a single decisive failure.

Almost every time it’s an accumulation of smaller errors, misunderstandings, or disagreements that culminate in a situations where the cost of rebuilding trust is too high. That’s a hard thing to explain to someone who has sincerely been trying their best.

Like so many things in life, the final straw isn’t the biggest.

Dorothy shows up. And with her accidental destruction of your oppressor, soon followed by the same for her equally dangerous sister witch, your people are ready to celebrate: Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead!!

But imagine what happens next…

As I’m working a lot with executive and leadership teams I often found myself trying to jury-rig tools and concepts from those two areas to fit the particular needs of these groups. It’s been good, but not great. I knew there were missing pieces. I just couldn’t figure out what they were.

Last week something clicked into place.

Here’s one for your next team meeting: Ask what long term effects COVID continues to have on how your organization functions.

There are some fairly obvious things. More people working from home or hybrid, we’re all pretty familiar with Zoom, you probably still have hand sanitizer easily accessible in your workspaces.

But what about the deeper, less apparent effects?

The beautiful passion that fuels so many at the beginning of their involvement struggles with the limitations of funding, human frailty, and the sense that even the best practices can produce unexpected or disappointing results.

The reality check can be harsh.

I learn a lot from the way people respond when a colleague gets upset. There’s usually a little awkwardness, someone offers some tissues, a hand on the shoulder or even a hug isn’t rare. Those are, when they are wanted, good things.

Seeing who takes those steps tells me something about the group dynamics that several temperament tests might not show.

*Phone buzzes with an incoming text message*

“Hey Chris do you have ten minutes?’

It happens a couple times pretty much every week; and I like it.

Her tone in bringing up the feedback was calm, even light. Nothing triggering about it at all.

And yet…

Just the prospect of receiving feedback had me experiencing a sudden wave of stress before I could even put words to it. At the core of my brain my amygdala was preparing for trouble. I was reacting to a threat before I had any real reason to perceive one.

What happened was, we had finished everything we needed to talk about.

It’s that simple. We were done so we stopped.