Menus and Buffets

I insisted on 3 things at my wedding: 1. That I get to marry Kristen. 2. That I wear my Teva sandals. 3. That dinner was a buffet.

That was nearly 24 years ago and things are working our pretty well so far.

I’ve always liked buffet meals because everyone can get the foods they want in the portions they want, so everyone is satisfied and there’s (hopefully) less waste. Maybe it’s because I was a picky eater as a kid.

I think most kids like buffets.

Sometimes leaders see their work as a buffet. They think that their higher position means they can do only the things they want to do and get someone else to do the stuff they dislike. In some ways that’s true. It’s a great perk.

But a lot of the time leadership is much more like ordering off a menu or at a banquet. We have some choice, but there are things that come with our choices that may not be our favourite. You can choose beef or chicken or vegetarian; but they all come with seasonal vegetables and roasted potatoes.

One mark of experienced leaders is the ability to anticipate what comes with their choices. Wisdom tells us that something we like often comes with something less appealing included and we can’t always substitute it. It’s part of the same dish.

There may be a generational aspect to this. Leaders growing up in the world of Youtube and Netflix have different expectations from those who used to sprint to the bathroom or kitchen during commercial breaks, leaping back over the couch as a sibling shouted “It’s On!”.

My peers have been raised to just deal with things we don’t want and can’t avoid. Sometimes that makes us too compliant about real problems, and too passive about things that can and should be changed. Being able to “deal with it” isn’t always a virtue.

And so, like so many things there is nuance and range to this. I encourage leaders to consider what things within their role can be delegated or automated, but also to honestly assess the degree to which they can handle the aspects that frustrate them. Because you can’t always choose.

If the leader doesn’t fit the role there is only so much that can be done before it’s time to look elsewhere.

And if you can’t find any role that fits you it may be time to look inside. It may be that you need to create something for yourself, or it may be that your expectations are just off.