On Off-Ramps

I’m a loyal person.

I tend to stick with the same brands, stores, people, causes, and beliefs for a long time and it takes something significant for me to change my mind.

That’s a strength, right up until it’s a weakness.

Like most good things, loyalty can be a sign of health, but it can also become deeply unhealthy when it’s taken too far. Life experience and wisdom often force us to reconcile loyalty when we see clearly the imperfections and failings of those we want to trust.

So, when is it time to change?

What are the situations, conditions, or revelations that would make me realign myself away from someone or something I’ve been committed to and even made a part of my identity?

For me, it’s not as easy as seeing flaws. My life experience and faith convictions tell me that nobody’s perfect and we should expect failures of some sort from everyone. It’s often much more significant to see the response. A sincere apology, taking ownership for mistakes, and striving to do things differently can prompt higher loyalty; denying, shifting blame, or minimizing things should decrease it.

I believe in second chances and that everyone is worthy of a path to being restored to community, if not to position.

But there are times when my own values and integrity require me to break loyalty. Trust has to have limits.

So it’s a good idea to occasionally ask myself what it would take for me to change. What new understanding, revelation, or experience would cause me to take an off-ramp and identify myself differently?

I think this is an important consideration, perhaps now more than ever.

Loyalty to religious institutions, pop culture heroes, and most of all, to political parties and leaders is in turmoil. Typically, as this happens some see it as a betrayal and demand greater loyalty; the loudest leave last. But giving up part of our identities is a real experience of loss. It isn’t (and often shouldn’t be) easy.

When I look at the way some entities have become so dramatically disconnected from their roots and replaced principled values with cult-like devotion to charismatic leaders I wonder what kind of off-ramps need to be built.

When I see our society shifting away from traditional cultural anchors I wonder what is making those off-ramps so appealing at this time.

When I see the rise of disinformation, social media manipulation campaigns, and trolling, disparagement, and coarse insults seen as marks of leadership instead of signs of undeveloped character I wonder how we can ever exit this path and return to higher ideals.

Loyalty can’t be healthy without off-ramps. We have to consider the limits of our allegiances and the personal and collective effects of broken trust and lowered values.

We have to know when and how to take an exit when the road we’re on is no longer taking us somewhere we really want to go.