The Idealist’s Dilemma

The best grade I ever got in university was in a course called “The Philosophy of Sport”.

Before you laugh, let me point out that my Kinesiology degree was in a competitive program and that a large proportion of my classmates really struggled in that class.

For me, it brought together my desire to explore ideas and my need for pragmatism in a way that had me fully engaged.

At that time the school of philosophy that best fit my way of being was Idealism. Like a lot of young people I was drawn to high values and clarity without nuance. I believed there was a lot of right and wrong in the world and it was usually possible to separate them definitively.

I still try to hold to high values but there’s a lot less certainty for me now.

The problem with idealists, of any age, is that reality is complicated.

The limitless expectations and absolutist morality has a hard time when faced with people who are mostly good but do some bad things, or mostly bad but do some good things. Or the majority of people who are a strange mix of both, and the way that makes defining good and bad a lot more difficult than it seemed.

I see it often in the charity organizations I work with.

The beautiful passion that fuels so many at the beginning of their involvement struggles with the limitations of funding, human frailty, and the sense that even the best practices can produce unexpected or disappointing results.

The reality check can be harsh.

For some this leads to disillusionment, and often leaving the sector with some bitterness. Others are drawn to leaders and causes that promise no compromise but may actually be misguided or manipulative.

As a recovering idealist I’ve had to wrestle with my own deep frustration at the unpredictability that often come with the complexity of real world issues and human beings. I’ve overreacted towards both radicalism and discouragement at times, and it’s been costly to myself and others.

The truth is, I miss the certainty I held decades ago. It was comforting in many ways to be sure that I knew what was right and what should be done in almost every situation. But I hope what I bring now is the humility of some failures and the wisdom of experience.

And a deep compassion/admiration for those who’ve been able to hold on to more of their idealism than I have.