Who Says No?

This post may not be relevant to you.

While I try to offer content that is as broadly relevant as possible, in some cases I want to speak to a smaller subset of leaders who are dealing with dynamics that aren’t universal. This is one of those times.

A majority of the leaders I work with have pretty solid self-awareness. Often I serve them by helping them see their strengths and encouraging them to be more confident and bold in their leadership. Learning to trust their experience, abilities, and instincts is something I love to do.

But occasionally I work with a leader who has too much confidence.

These leaders have blind spots around their weaknesses and the messes they create relationally and through poor decisions or inconsistent behaviour. They are generally well-intended, but vulnerable to multiplying mistakes because they don’t have enough self-doubt to cause them to slow down, reconsider, or ask for advice.

Early on these leaders are often admired for their conviction and decisiveness, but eventually their impulsiveness or unqualified certainty leads to real problems.

To be clear, these behaviour patterns are almost always a mask for deep insecurity that they might not even be aware of. Even if it is increasingly obvious to others.

The problem is that leaders like this don’t know they need people to challenge their instincts. They need someone to be able to say no. And they generally really dislike being told no.

In charities that should be the role of the board if the leader is the ED or CEO. But boards are rarely engaged enough to catch these patterns before they become costly. That’s just not how the structure works.

So what bold, visionary leaders who are also wise need to do is surround themselves with others, within or outside their organization, who are clearly empowered to disagree with them. At the very least, they need to be asking challenging and clarifying questions that force the leader to articulate their plans and rationale. It’s a safety net for those who might otherwise be too impulsive, too certain, or too hurried.

Politics gives us many case studies. It is tempting for elected officials to surround themselves with yes men and cronies who demonstrate “loyalty” by never disagreeing (even as they are figuring out how to subtly manipulate the leader through flattery). It’s a disastrous path.

I’m always interested in who is invited into any leader’s inner circle and as key advisors. The best and most admirable leaders I know are conscious of their own vulnerabilities and intentionally bring on people who offer counterpoints and differing perspectives. Healthy disagreements bring out the best in leaders and organizations.

Contact me if I can be helpful to you and/or your organization.

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