Questioning Support

I’m highly motivated to help people.

But I’m often a difficult person for others to help. (Enneagram 2 if that relates).

I caught Brené Brown on Adam Grant’s Work Life podcast yesterday. I admire both of them immensely. When two thinkers of such insight challenge, question, and affirm one another it’s amazing to listen in.

Among many gold nuggets was a part of their conversation about how vulnerability means different things to different people. And being vulnerable doesn’t require us to give up our privacy.

We all know someone who overshares. Every frustration, conflict, or situation is made public, often on social media. Even worse is the leader who overshares in the workplace. Inappropriate self-revelation isn’t authenticity, it’s a coping mechanism for insecurity. And it undermines leadership credibility.

We may not be able to define precisely what is too much disclosure, but we know it when we see it.

In a similar way, we are learning (with deep thanks to people like Adam and Brené) that being vulnerable isn’t a weakness. It is a sign of confidence and an act of trust to acknowledge our human limitations and even ask for help when we need it.

In Daring Greatly Brené writes:

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

So how do we encourage appropriate vulnerability while recognizing that it means something different to particular people? Here’s the question they offered in the podcast:

“What does support look like for you in this situation?”

Simple, clear, compassionate, and open. I love it!

Someone I know is going through a pretty horrible situation right now and we haven’t been able to find a way to help. Offers of meals, yard work, visits, and coffee chats have all gone without a response. We want to show our love, but we don’t know how.

So, I just texted them this question, with a couple specific possibilities. We’ll see what they say.

But, especially in a work situation, in the sometimes awkward dynamics where we are colleague&friend&supervisor&encourager&whatever all at the same time and things can get confusing this kind of question gives people permission and opportunity to define things in their own terms.

I’ll be using it more often.

Contact me if I can be helpful to you and/or your organization.

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