Magic Mirror
In the Snow White fable the evil queen keeps tabs on her kingdom and her insecurities by asking questions of a magic mirror that always speaks the truth. When it tells her she is no longer the fairest of all it sets in motion the storyline that ends in her demise.
Of course it didn’t have to be that way. The Queen could have accepted the truth. She could have ignored Snow White, or even embraced her. She could have focussed on other qualities than beauty. She could have made better choices…
The leaders I encounter are rarely so obviously shallow that they would demand to be hailed as the most attractive. But many of them could use a dose of honesty.
Just as insecurity drove the Queen to the mirror, I think our insecurity keeps some of us away.
We all say we want honest feedback but in practice I, and maybe you too, often prefer something a little less than the truth. I want to learn and grow, but I’d prefer to do so with as little criticism as possible. I’m self-aware enough to know that I don’t really want to be aware of everything about myself.
The danger here is obvious. Avoiding honest critique means we continue on in ways that could and should be improved. We protect our ego at the cost of our performance, and ultimately, at some cost to our team.
Every leader needs to find ways to receive and process critical feedback. That requires us to risk having our insecurities surfaced. It means we might have to face our failures and our secrets. We’ll definitely have to see ourselves in ways that aren’t always flattering.
So, how do we do it?
Here are a few practical suggestions that are easier to find than a magic mirror:
Personality Profiles: Used properly, profiling tools can give us insights into ourselves that we might otherwise miss. These tend to be nonthreatening as they reflect fairly broadly and always provide lots of positives as well. But be careful not to use them to excuse unproductive behaviour or limit possibilities.
Official Feedback: Performance reviews, especially if they include confidential input from peers and direct reports, can be particularly insightful. However, many of us need some help to process the feedback in productive ways and discern what is most valuable within them.
Trusted Peers: Some leaders are blessed to have built enough trust with one or more peers, within or outside their organization, that they can openly call out strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures. People who love us enough to speak truth and help us find ways to process it are rare and wonderful.
Honest Advisors: I’ve been deeply impacted over many years by people I respect who have come alongside my life and challenged me to be my best. Some stuck around for years, others just at a key moment, but they had the boldness, insight, and compassion to tell me what I needed (not necessarily wanted) to hear.
One of the things I enjoy most about my Catalyst work is being something of a mirror to leaders. I’ve learned a lot about giving feedback that is both challenging and encouraging. No one really wants to be blasted with criticism, but most also do desire the kind of honesty that we can use to grow.
If you or your team could benefit from a facilitated look at yourself let’s talk.