Grown Ups
Not long ago a friend’s father passed away.
He’d lived a long and quietly remarkable life, and my friend didn’t have any regrets about their relationship. It was, in many ways, a relief.
But as we talked about the experience my friend said: “I just realized I’m an orphan”. an interesting perspective from someone in their 50s.
Not long after, I was with an executive team of youngish leaders whose organization is transitioning from an older generation of founders who are now retired or otherwise no longer involved to the same extent. As capable and committed as this team are, they sometimes find themselves looking around for someone more experienced to answer questions or deal with complex situations.
For both situations, the sense is that there should be a grown up to turn to. It’s a little disorienting to recognize that you are now the highest ranking person. You are the one in charge, who is expected to know what to do.
Healthy leaders understand the need for grown ups in the room, and they understand when they become those grown ups.
Everyone should have mentors, advisors, or peers who can provide wise counsel and perspective. We all have blind spots, biases, and weaknesses where we just can’t be relied on to get everything right. We need someone to challenge us, encourage us, and offer viewpoints we can’t generate on our own.
This is particular true for those who are visionary, highly-driven, or who know that their teams are unable or unprepared to give us the wisdom we don’t have on our own. Wisdom isn’t an individual sport.
But we also need to accept the challenge of owning responsibility when we are the ones with the most experience or insight. As much as I worry about leaders who are impulsive, overconfident, or bullheaded; more of my clients these days are genuinely humble and a little hesitant to take on authority. They are hoping some other grown up, a more grown up grown up, will show up when they aren’t sure what to do.
It’s funny, but not surprising to anyone with an understanding of human nature and leadership, that many of us tend in the direction opposite of what we need most. Those who don’t see their gaps aren’t asking for help, and those who are capable of holding more influence are often reluctant to step into it.
In both cases the root is probably a form of insecurity.
One of the privileges of my work is helping leaders and teams see themselves more accurately and understand what they can do to move forward with more, and deeper, confidence.
The charitable sector is experiencing a concerning shortage of experienced leadership as a generation who have built and guided many of our organizations are stepping away.
Ready or not, we’re the grown ups now.
Contact me if I can be helpful to you and/or your organization.
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